Victorious Relationships start with Victorious Mindsets - Candice Smithyman


Victorious Relationships start with Victorious Mindsets

How to have Victorious Relationships this Valentine’s Day and Everyday!

Relationships make the world go ‘round. We were created for intimacy with God and each other in a safe place where the glory of God can come and bless those in relationships. Many times, our relationships do not reveal this level of authenticity or joy. This can be seen in marriage many times. One way we can develop ourselves so that we have more deep and intimate relationships is to understand the power of the victorious mind. Jesus had a victorious mindset and He wants us to cultivate this as well.

In 1 Corinthians 15:57(NIV), the Apostle Paul says, “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” We have the victory and we must wash ourselves in this truth daily by changing our mind.

One way to keep our minds victorious in relationships is to change our mental focus about who we are in Christ and the positional authority we have in Him. We are seated with Christ in heavenly places spiritually and we must position ourselves here in our minds everyday (Ephesians 2:6). We can easily get tripped up in our relationships and fall into traps of the enemy with anger, slander, discord, and lies when we endeavor to see people for who they are in a moment instead of seeing people for who they are from God’s perspective. In order to do this, we must have God’s perspective and be able to see from His vantage point.

In a critical moment we must see people as who God created them to be and the purpose for their lives, instead of how they made us feel in that moment especially if they made us feel negatively. We must join God in the proclamation of who we are and who He is and who God created them to be. Then when we are not having a good moment with a loved one or a colleague we won’t react with destructive words instead of love. Pain in our soul talks, especially past pain because of our hurts in the relationship. This skews our vision and ability to see people for who God created them to be and impairs our ability to join God in this proclamation.  Instead we join with Satan in condemning them or cursing them.  We must have eyes to see as Jesus did. This is a training process. The one who had so much love as to when He was being arrested and the sword came forth and the high priest lost his ear. Jesus put the ear back on the one trying to arrest Him. In Luke 22:51 (NIV), Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.

Okay, let’s get real. Who does that? That is the kind of love for others we are to have, and we fall so very short of it. However, we can pray and ask God to do this in us.

We must train ourselves to respond in all relationships as Jesus did.  Matthew 5:11-12 (NIV) says, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

We must have a mind that thinks on these things as the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:8 (NIV), “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

If we love God first, we will love ourselves and then others. We must always check our relationship with God first, then all things flow from that. We read this in Matthew 22:37-38 (NIV) Jesus says, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

In the marriage relationship, it is key to submit one to another. Many times, we think the word submission means we are opening ourselves up to abuse and that others will harm us if we choose to submit. This is not a victorious mindset in the area of relationships. Yes, it is true, that some people take advantage of relationships and harm the weak but if that is happening we are not obligated to submit in that area. True submission is out of love to promote unity much like the Holy Spirit submits to Jesus who submits to the Father. All three are equal in the Trinity yet they choose to submit in the area of their roles to bring about kingdom purpose.

The mystery between the man and the woman is the same as Christ and the church. The church is the body of Christ and the woman is in a one flesh relationship with the man. These relationships are sacred to God and meant to be cherished and honored. Even one is to die to self for the other in our flesh so that we can bring about unity and kingdom advancement in the home and in our communities.

Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Women need to understand that men receive love when they are respected, and women receive love when they are cared for and nurtured. It is two different needs that we must submit one to another on in order to make the union flow in peace. If you are fighting immensely with your spouse know and understand these truths, that one sees throughs the filter of respect and the other one through the filter of caring and nurture. God created male and female different from the foundation of the world to serve His kingdom purpose. Because we see differently through the lenses of our souls, join the other one in their perspective for a moment and watch amazing things happen. Ask God to help you do this.

The word says in, Ephesians 5: 31-33 (NIV), “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Jesus has made us victorious beings and when we focus on our proper position with Him, seated with Christ in the heavenlies (Ephesians 2:6) we are positioning ourselves to revel in the victory that we have. We then endeavor to have relationships from this point first. We must ask God to give us eyes to see our spouses and others from this vantage point.

One way we can facilitate seeing others from this vantage point is to ask God in prayer to reveal what the scrolls of heaven have to say about our spouse or those loved ones in our lives. We can even ask this for people who we do not like so that God can give us spiritual sight for who He sees them to be.  Then we can join Him there in decrees and declarations for them. This will help release bondages and speak life into the lives of those who we are called to love and serve even if we don’t feel like it. It gives us purpose from heaven for those who need it.  Then we are participating with God in kingdom advancement of others and overall as a church body in our world. This brings the gospel into action.

Jesus was love in action, but He never left His seat in His heart with His father, He just changed His world from that vantage point. We must do the same by changing our thinking and overcoming in our minds to join God in who He says these people are. And by the way, He loves them!  So, ask Him what do the scrolls say about your spouse? What do the scrolls say about your kids, your friends, your co-workers, and your enemies?

Hebrews 10:5-7 (NIV) says, “Therefore, when Christ came into the world, he said:

“Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but a body you prepared for me;
 with burnt offerings and sin offerings
you were not pleased.
 Then I said, ‘Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
I have come to do your will, my God.’”

Jesus had a scroll and so do we, and so do they. God wants you to be a support to who He puts in your life no matter what they have done. Lord, give us a victorious mindset and victorious relationships so you and your kingdom of heaven on earth will prosper! You can also read more about this in my new book, “Releasing Heaven: Creating Supernatural Environments through Heavenly Encounters” available at

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